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A Girl Called Kill

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This isn't getting any easier. [23 Nov 2007|05:35am]

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you;
Whatever we were to each other, That we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used,
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
It is the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.
1x| BiteMe

[06 Nov 2007|03:38am]
"I'm angry that I have to keep living in a world where I can't find her, call her, or see her. I can't find the person I loved or needed anywhere. She is not really where her body is now. The heavenly bodies elude me. The all-ness or one-ness of her spiritual existence escapes me. I am lost and full of rage."

[22 Sep 2007|03:25am]
moderation smoderation

[17 Aug 2007|03:00pm]
I need to learn that moderation is my friend.

[04 Aug 2007|04:30pm]
I've come to the point of detachment...

I no longer think any of it means anything, and I believe nothing I am told from male lips. 

I'm no longer bitter... maybe a little disappointed... I don't think things should be this way. 

I imagine this is how most guys always feel... cept I don't wanna play the empty game... I feel no need to add "notches to my bedpost."

Instead I'm gonna put my engery into something positive for once, and try to make something of myself...

For the first time I feel like I know who I want to be.  Better late than never...


[17 Jul 2007|07:08am]
I just managed to get my heart crushed, yet again, in the span of about 2 weeks...

Why do I always trust so quickly even though I've been hurt more times than not?

I'm a fucking idiot.

[14 Jul 2007|03:53am]
The past is only the future with the lights on.

[10 Jul 2007|04:59am]

The saddest thing is you could be anything
That you could want
We could have been everything
But now we're not
Now it's not anything at all
The hardest part was getting this close to you
And giving up this dream I built with you
A fairytale that isn't coming true
You've got some growing up to do

I wish we could have worked it out
I wish I didn't have these doubts
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye

After all the things you put me through
Tell me why I'm still in love with you

And why am I still waiting for your call
You broke my heart
I'm taking it back from you
And taking back the life I gave to you
Life goes on before and after you
I've got some growing up to do

It's time I said my last goodbye


[05 Jul 2007|02:57am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

Tequila headaches... are the worst headaches....



2x| BiteMe

[27 Jun 2007|05:39am]

I'm absolutely fucking miserable.

And I have no idea what to do to fix that. 


[18 Jun 2007|05:41am]
Sometimes you've got to fold
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself.

Cause now that I can see you,
I don't think you're worth a second glance.

So much for all the promises you made, they served you well
and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
so much for, so much more


[30 May 2007|01:46am]
I love you...
But I'm letting go.

[25 May 2007|04:06am]
So, tonight I was eating at Denny's with some friends around 2am, after we had been dancing all night... just like any other night.

Cept for tonight 2 men in masks holding really big guns came in... 

The place was held up... while we were sitting about 5 feet from the register.

I'm still shaking.
2x| BiteMe

[24 May 2007|07:11pm]

Telling me to go,
But hands beg me to stay.
Your lips say that you love,
Your eyes say that you hate.

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
What you build you lay to waste.
There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
All I've got's what you didn't take.

So I, I won't be the one,
Be the one to leave this,
In pieces.
And you, you will be alone,
Alone with all your secrets,
And regrets.
Don't lie.

You promise me the sky,
Then toss me like a stone.
You wrap me in your arms,
And chill me to the bone.

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
All I've got's what you didn't take.

So I, I won't be the one,
Be the one to leave this,
In pieces.
And you, you will be alone,
Alone with all your secrets,
And regrets.
Don't lie.


Yes, I'm this bored. [23 May 2007|01:48am]

1] What was the highlight of your week?
Nothing highlight worthy as of yet, but the week is young.

2] Whose car were you in last?
Mine... other then mine Gisela's.

3] When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Where have all the kisses gone?

4] What color shirt are you wearing?

8] Last movie you watched?
Secret Window

9] Last thing you ate?
Meatless meatballs.

10] Last thing you drank?
Iced tea.

11] Where did you sleep last night?
My bed.

13] Are you happy right now?
Not especially...

14] What did you say last?
"No, Pepper....NO!" 
I'm very serious about keeping seasonings off my food... ;)

15] Where is your phone?
Right here...

17] What color are your eyes?

19] Who came over last?

20] When was the last time you had your heart broken?
Built a wall around my heart
Never let it fall apart

21] Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
Hate is a strong word... I'm mostly indifferent. Now my indifferent list... thats a long list.

22] What are you listening to?
The clock on the wall ticking... and there is not a more frightening sound... you can never make it stop ticking... well the clock itself you could probably take out the batteries... but you know what I mean...

23] If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Piece of mind.

24] What is your favorite scent?

25] Who makes you the happiest right now?
My kitten... Miss Pepper.

28] What were you doing at midnight last night?
I haven't the slightest clue.

29] What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
"You've got to be kidding me."

30] Spell your name without vowels:
Tffny. Hey, it still sounds the same.

33] What color(s) do you wear most often?

34] What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
Corona w lime.

36] Who was the last person to send you a text message?

38] Last time you went swimming in a pool?

40] What did that text message say?

41] Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Jewelery? Seriously?

42] AIM or MSN?

43] Where does most of your family live?

44] Are you an only child ?

45] Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
I suppose.

46] Do you drink beer?
I do.


I need a distraction... [17 May 2007|01:00am]

Someone I can get lost in... someone who can get lost in me... 

Someone who makes every below average day worth it, because I know at the end of it they'll be there, to hide from the world with... to share my pack of cigarettes and my thoughts with...

I wanna distraction... I wanna be a distraction...


[15 May 2007|12:03am]

I wish I could erase all the "I love you"s I carved into his heart.

[13 May 2007|05:25pm]

~ Any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

~ A strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

~ The object of such a fondness or desire.

I wish to be passionate about something... anything... but I find I just don't care. And not caring is a very sad existence... maybe the saddest of all. To walk through life indifferent. To live without passion isn't really like living at all...


[13 May 2007|01:57pm]
You could see me reaching
So why couldn't you have met me half way?
You could see me bleeding
And you would not put pressure on the wound.

You only think about yourself...
You only think about yourself...

You better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico.

You could see me breathing
And you still kept your hand over my mouth.
You could feel me seething
But you just turned your nose up in the air.

You only think about yourself...
You only think about yourself...

You better bend before I go
on the first train to Mexico
1x| BiteMe

[05 May 2007|05:19am]
I feel so violated right now...

Tonight while I was at a party someone broke my car window and stole my $500 massage table, and my massage bag that had my school books, oils, sheets, ect. in it...

They did not steal my portable navigation system... any of the TONS of CDs I had all over the place... nor the credit card I left sitting out. Just my school stuff... and the massage table that was in the trunk... that weighs about 50 pounds...

It makes no sence... It feels personal...

I am currently saving every penny I have trying to move out to Huntington Beach in July... I cannot afford a new car window right now... or to replace the things I need for school.

The only thing thats keeping me calm right now is my belief in karma...

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